Today’s prompt is: #namedesire
In The Next Right Thing, Emily encourages her readers to ask themselves: “Am I being led by love or pushed by fear?” (p.79). Isn’t it beautiful how even her choice of verbs glorify God? The enemy pushes. God leads. The enemy is cruel. God is gentle. The enemy numbs our true desires in sin. God releases our true desires in grace. The enemy shames us and steals our voice. God frees us to arise in the light and speak.
My mother told me she called me Anna from the womb because the prophetess Anna immediately recognized Jesus. Ever since I was little I have seen Jesus in people others haven’t. But in seeing Jesus in these people, I have had a “religious” world look down on me and even question my own belonging in Christ. As a little girl I believed the enemy’s lies, instead of saying, as Jesus did to Peter: “Get behind me, Satan.” I believed what man spoke was right and that I was “wrong”. Not just wrong in my thinking, but inherently wrong in my innermost being, mismade.
But since then, God has shown me what HE sees when He looks at me. His Word has come alive in me. I now know that His purpose is threaded through every single fiber of my being and every single part of my story.
My name means “grace”. Another way the enemy attacked me as a little girl was to whisper the lie that grace meant explaining away sin. “Oh, he didn’t really mean that. Oh, she was having a bad day.” In agreeing with this lie, I began to believe that God intended for me to let others walk all over me in the name of grace.
So, when I fled who I thought was God, but who was in fact an idol, what did God do? He gave me a man who pursued me in love, a man who has never stopped speaking truth over me, over and over and over again. Even when I haven’t wanted to hear it.
This man, now my husband, has lifted so much fear and shame from me and emboldened me to do things I never thought myself capable of. This man deep down taught me that God deems me worthy of love. And that love speaks the truth, defends and protects me and others by emboldening us to speak the truth to each other.
A truth that says: “Your sin deeply wounds us. It divides and separates us. But look at what Christ did: He took sin upon Himself at the Cross, so we no longer have to live wounded and divided. We no longer have to hide from each other.”
Christ speaks: “Come near, for I am He who restores and redeems. I am He who makes all things new. Come out from behind the clefts of the rock and let me cover you in your shame. Let me heal your broken heart, let me balm and bind your wounds. Let me make all that’s broken, whole again. Let me open your eyes to see that all once divided is One.”
For love – God Himself – never stops defending His children from the enemy’s cruel schemes. He uses what was sent to steal, kill and destroy, to heal, bind and redeem. To restore us unto Himself, to make us One.
Genesis 50:20 (NKJV)
But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.
My husband has become the living embodiment for me of God’s faithfulness to His Bride. He is the fulfillment of the desire my Mum spoke into me from the womb. The truth at work in my husband has freed me to see by faith. To finally name my true desire that has alway been Christ at work in me: to see Jesus. To shake off the dust and deep down know Jesus is before me, behind me, above me, below me and IN me.